Nikkah: The Burden of a Man or Woman?

Nikkah: The Burden of a Man or Woman?

By Kamoru Sodiq

kamorusodiq03@gmail.com

Under normal situation, puberty age brings big duty and difficulties. It is called the consent age. It differs based on time and space. It is usually between the range of 14years in man and 12years in woman. Human dreams of partner for good or for bad. The drive to get married is naturally instinctive and customary. History has proved this over and over. The road is still ever busy till tomorrow.

Nikkah also means marriage. It is an Arabic word. The language resonates well with youths across board. Anytime nikkah is mentioned to youths, you will see their ears wide open and their attentions readily available. It is understandable. Gossips and facts popping out from broken homes are all over the place. New couple are hitting hard rock. Young lovers are getting punches and all sorts. In short, the hoopla around nikkah is simply in good faith. I expect everyone to negotiate the terms and conditions attached very well before saying a YES  to that nice proposal. 

From experience, some brothers are ready to conclude nikkah in a week. I will never drum support for a rush or hurry union. The basis is wavy already. Anything that is put on it will fall flat. On the other hands, long and loose relationship (khitbah) is evil and hypocritical. Shoot your shot once and for all. If you are not matured enough to taste the honey, don't come closer. It is brave to act macho at times. The main thing is to stay clear of Zina (fornication) or lustful benefits.

Nikkah as an institution is a universal value. History accepts it. Custom celebrates it. Religion has a lot to say on it. It is indeed a supernatural gift. It is the gateway to family set up. It opens the door of procreation. It answers the call of libido. It gladdens the heart. What more? It is the root we all came from.

Argument on marriage is  usually about age and means. Also, there are some inveterate mysteries around women generally. Unmarried women are seen as old maids. They are regarded as permanent guests in their fathers house. In modern time, they are stateless without a known identity. They are told to live in peace or die in silence. The only security and hope is their children. They are not fit for decent jobs except being an household machine. This keeps them away from community affairs or office work. This is the social status of women in the past centuries. 

Women in pre hsitoric time are considered as chattels, even in the developed world. For instance, until the passing of 1882 Married Property Act in Britain, women are regarded as property to his husband. Her earnings and property belongs to the husband. They are placed as dependants eternally either as a daughter or as a wife. Till the Women Suffrage Right campaign started in Britain in 19th century, they couldn't be registered as voters and other deprivations. 

In divorce, the story is the same. They are not accorded equal opportunity with man. Under the British 1857 Matrimonial Causes Act, a man can divorce woman on the ground of adultery while a woman has to endure it. Under the Divorce Act (1857) a man has a right to dissolution by proofing infidelity against the woman while a woman has to prove both infidelity and cruelty against the man. Though, it was highly criticized then. Today, the standard of proof is irreconcilable differences. With that, an order of dissolution is not always declared pronto. 

Prophet Muhammad actually came with so much reforms on the rights of women whether in inheritance, earnings and in all ramifications. As a religion, Islam encourages marriage. It is rated half of the Deen (worship). The Prophet got married and joined many homes together. He condemned celibacy in strong term. He advocates big party to celebrate marriage. He set up principles that lead to happy family. He prides nikkah as his noble path. One of the contentious topic around marriage is the issue of age.

Islam best answer the issue of age as it relates to marriage. The Prophet and many companions like Ali bn Abi-Talib and others married early and some late. It is also historic to note that, Renaissance period is also reputed for early marriage. The literary Czar, William Shakespeare who lived the time married Anne Hathaway at the age of eighteen. Well, there is no hard and fast rule to determine the issue of early or late marriage. What matters according to Islam is the possession of strength and means. The Prophet was very instructive when he said it. 

In reality, we have seen folks who married early and suffered early. We are witnesses to those who married late and tasted regret. In other words, we see early marriage working. We see late marriage blooming. People delay marriage on many grounds. The common factor is always the question of how to put roof over the head and food on the table which is indeed very key but not always defensible. I don't know how someone can defend his state of penury and win beyond reasonable doubt!

Whichever way you look at it,  the way to go is that we should settle for something that is halal (legitimate) and sufficient in marriage. We can continue to go on and on to interrogate the subject matter. The burden of marriage is mysterious. It takes its tolls on a man. It keeps woman in a bitter sweet corner. What cynics find difficult to thrash is the fruits of marriage. But definitely marriage is not a tea party. Before you jump into the ship, watch your back please. It's absolutely your choice.

Permit me to say that I don't appreciate it when sisters pretend they don't know love. Fact is, women are susceptibly liable to love. In most cases, what a man want is to satisfy nature (copulation). It is why some men are reckless and unfaithful in marriage. Reality is, it is the women who need love and support. This explains the exodus of divorce we are living with today. Also if not for children, some women are insistedly planning to talk a walk out of matrimonial home right now. I hope sisters will begin to see beyond beards and packs. 

Unfortunately, some women see husband instructions as the root of all evils. To them, they are both equal in privileges and rights. Assuming without conceding that is true, how come Almighty Allah assigned different qualities and roles each of them. It's time we stop defending the indefensible. We must begin to see wisdom in what we don't know. Not all things are clear headed. Somethings are better accepted than interrogated. That is the way to earn decent union.

Happy marriage, sweet home we all pray for is fantastically a beauty to behold. But marriage requires big sacrifices and mutual understanding. Unfortunately, social media has made things worse. We only see the smiles and the laughs but inside it is a forbidden home. Marriage is meant to be enjoyed not to be endured is what we hear today. The question is, does that really apply in practice? Many went down in marriage. Many were lifted through marriage. Truth is, marriage comes with a price. Are you ready to bell the cat?

It's the Sallah season. Happy Eid-il-kabir in advance my people. Barkah de Sallah!